Bring On The Heartache

Have you guys ever laugh or smile to much but still don't feel happy? Like you're trying your best to forget about what is going on but no matter how hard you're trying it still isn't working? Yeah, that's the exact way of what I'm feeling right now. And it's all because of this guy.

* sigh *

I seriously can't believe what I just heard. I actually thought that you were the one that could change my life. I thought that you were the one who would always be there for me. But no, you lied to me. You're a player, a flirt, a fake, a joke, you're the type of person I'm not suppose to be around with. But no matter how much I try and no matter how terrible I know you are, why can't I hate you?

This question keeps haunting and bugging me all the time, I've been trying to figure out what the reason is but I still can't figure it out yet. Could be it that I've never met someone like you before? Could it be that I'm afraid of loosing you? Could it be that I've been keeping in touch with you for quiet sometime but it feels different now that we're not talking? 

* grr *

I seriously don't know. - You wanted to take me out for a birthday treat this Saturday, but after what I heard, I don't think we should. But I must say, I didn't regret a single moment that we spend together last Sunday. It was perfect in ever way. I just wished that the guy that I spent time with was the real you. I wish that you weren't faking it. Wish that you really meant what you said to me.

I must admit, I'm hurt. I'm okay but not okay at the same time. I don't know how to describe that feeling but that's what I'm feeling right now. If only I could turn back time, I would have ignored you instead of falling for you.

Look, I'm not asking you to be with me. I'm not asking you to stop anything that you're doing right now. All I want from you is honesty. That is the only thing that I've been waiting for.

Yes, I believe that some of the things that you told me were the truth, that's why I kept everything that you said to me a secret. I've never told anything that you told me to anyone.No matter how terrible you are, I've never spill any secret because I know it means a lot to you. I might be a fucker most of the time but when it comes to these sort of things I'm pretty alright. 

* sobb *

Please, all I'm asking from you is to be honest with me. I don't want to loose you as a friend. I've heard tons of people fucking about you and I felt the hatred and anger feeling that they're feeling but I still can't hate you. But, I'm not in love with you. Not in love.

Yes, I love you but I'm not in love with you. If you know what I'm sayin'.