nothing is real till it's gone.

* I typed the first paragraph in my phone and I'm retyping what I typed here and I'll continue with the rest *

 I am now in the car with my family. I saw my mom looking outside the window with tears rolling down her face and thoughts running through her mind. by looking at her, I felt the pain that she was feeling. Letting go someone you love is never easy. I tried to ignore the heartache in me so I played on some R&B to get it off my head. I then caught Nadiah staring at me with her face looking absolutely clueless. I looked at my sister. Her face was red and was soaked in her own tears. I was giggling at first then I noticed there were tears rolling down my cheeks, I couldn't stop tearing up. I never did like people staring at me when I cry so I'm covering my face with a christmas hat that I found in this car. I continued playing more R&B music. I am now currently listening to I LIKE THE WAY YOU MOVE with maximum volume and putting aside all the memories that I've had with my brother. But then when I take a look at my sister, she's crying even more. Our hearts are now in a very fragile spot, I can't seem to understand why. I'm the one who always fight with my brother, who always hated him form the beginning, why am I feeling so sad? Could it be because I won't have anyone to wrestle with anymore? I'm just gonna have to wait to find that out. It's really awkward for us all to cry in silence. This have never happened before, but I guess there's a first time for everything. We just reached KLIA and I'm not ready to get out of the car just yet. 

5:42 PM , walking around with Nadiah cracking up some jokes. Hours passed in a blink of an eye We were in McDonald, preparing to eat. Our food was served on the table and we started to eat. I took a sip of my coke while looking at my mom and I saw the sadness in her eyes, its driving me crazy. I've never her so depressed before. It's tearing me apart. I looked away because I know the longer I stare at her, the more I feel like crying. I faced down and was about to take a bite of my burger, then Ilyas and his friends came. Ilyas came to our table and shouted "WHAZAAAAP!" I tried to ignore him so people won't know that I'm related to him but it didn't seem to work. (joke) While we were eating our burger, my siblings and I started to bond. Laughing together and all. It felt great, yet awkward. For the first time ever, we were bonding. I wanted it to be permanent but unfortunately it's the last time we'll ever bond. In another 2 years at least. It was already 7:45 PM, and it was time for Omeed to go. Ilyas wanted to make a bet with me that I will eventually cry in the end but I didn't dare to because I know that I will cry in the end. We were standing in a circle waiting for someone to say goodbye first. My mom did the first move, she gave him a tight hug and gave him his last goodbye kiss with tears running down her face. The second I saw them hugging and crying, we all started tearing up. My grandma's turn was next. She cried and Omeed hugged her tight. " Pegi sayang abang lekas, " said mommy to Arezou and I. Arezou gave him a hug. He then came to me and hugged me tight and said goodbye in his sad crying voice. I didn't wanna let go of him, I couldn't believe it. For the first time ever, we hugged. I then realize how much I didn't want him to go, I then realized how much I'm gonna miss him and how much I love him.

I am now at home, in his room. My mom came in here just now and she was sobbing so much. I was actually crying silently in his room watching TV with the volume very loud so no one could hear my cry. I was feeling much better after watching some movie. Then my mom knocked the door and she was crying, sobbing all the way. I didn't cry in front of her, cause I didn't wanna get too emotional. When she got out of the room, I locked the door and cry. I'm actually still crying now. I can't sleep. I'm so exhausted but somehow I can't seem to sleep. When I blink my eye, I flashback back when we were in the airport saying our goodbyes. It was really really sad for all of us. The person that I really feel like talking to right now is Simmy. She's the one who makes me feel better when I'm down and she's been through this before. Her brother left for Seremban few months back so she knows what I'm going through I guess. (Sigh)* I'm just gonna go now, gotta take my mind off this. I know that I'll be better in the morning, maybe not.